Levels of Ego

Recently, I came across a model that depicted the different levels of ego in human beings. Every person inhibits some amount of ego within them. In different walks of our life, be it professional or personal, we have dealt with people having ego. Some do it well, while some suffer in silence. Having knowledge of this Ego model can give us a new perspective.

Essentially, there are three levels of Egos –

Parental Ego – when the person is at a level of higher authority and makes you do things using that leverage.

Child Ego – when the person is stubborn, and wants you do certain things without any logical reasoning.

Adult Ego – ideal spot where you actions are based on logical reasoning and you do things in spirit of a fruitful outcome.

Dealing with both Parental ego and Child ego is challenging in its own ways. It requires you to bring them to your level of understanding in a very sensitive way, and avoid being party to the madness.

Dealing with Child Ego – For ease of understanding, consider your task is to move a table across the hall. You are standing at one end of the table and the Child Ego is at the other end. Child ego is stubborn on moving the table in their direction while you think the right way is to pull it your way. Eventually, the table moves nowhere.

As an Adult ego, your task is to first hear them out genuinely and evaluate if there is any sense. Go to their side of the table and see what they are seeing. It will give them the satisfaction of being heard. Slowly, putting your point across politely, bring them on to your side without them realizing.

Dealing with Parental Ego – Dealing with parent ego is different than dealing with Child ego. Using the same table analogy, first hear them out. Go to their side and push the table with them for a little bit until there isn’t room to go further. At this point, you can say, ‘hey, I have another idea” and put your point across politely. It will give them the satisfaction of being respected, and open them up to considering your opinion. The best way to give feedback to such Parent egos is the sandwich method. First you spot out the good part, then slowly insert the criticism, and the wrap it with another compliment.