Regret is Inevitable

We all leave home at some point in our life. Sometimes we leave for education. Sometimes for work. Sometimes for a better life. The reason to leave might be different but there is one thing common — the belief that we will return one day. 

It’s a pinky promise we make to everyone around us including ourselves.

At first, the move is temporary. We tell ourselves that it’s just for a few years — to earn money, build a career, create a better future. And eventually, we’ll return.

However, as life progresses and you create your own world, the prospects to keep that promise gradually weaken. You have a longing for your home but at the same time moving back and restarting your life feels scary. 

It is when you seriously start to think if now is the time to return before it’s too late.

And this perhaps is one of the hardest decisions to make.

The difficulty isn’t just deciding whether to return. It’s knowing that whichever choice you make, you will probably wonder about the life you didn’t choose.

1/ The Cost of Decision

The pressure to make a decision that you won’t regret for the rest of your life is daunting.

I feel like every important choice we make in life can make us wonder about the choices we didn’t make. You know, that strange What if feeling?

• You take the first job offer and later wonder What if the other job offer was better?
• You marry someone and occasionally wonder What if you had married that other person?
• You move to another country and wonder What if life back home was more fulfilling?

So how do you make a decision that is regret free?

Guess what? You almost can’t.

2/ Regret is Inevitable

If you have regretted any decision in life and wondered what if I had chosen otherwise… then you are being unfair to yourself.

You are being unfair to yourself because you are comparing an experienced reality with an imagined possibility. And our imagination tends to focus on the positives of the paths we didn’t take. Regret can be misleading.

You choose to drink tea. Two minutes later you hate the flavor and immediately think if coffee would’ve been a better option.

You are now comparing the tea you actually experienced with the idealized coffee you imagined. Essentially, comparing a real life with an imaginary life.

The coffee could’ve been worse and perhaps spoiled your gut.

The bigger the decision, the more powerful this analogy becomes.

The unchosen option has an advantage — it never gets the opportunity to disappoint you. Human mind is exceptionally good at idolizing the road not taken.

3/ The Hard Truth

Every choice you make creates an alternative life that you can imagine but never verify. That makes regret almost inevitable for certain decisions.

So instead of asking which choice won’t give me any regret, the better question to ask is — 

• Which choice will give me the least regret?
• Which regret can I live with?
• Which choice will I be more peaceful with if things don’t work out?

You can choose a career that ultimately fails. You can choose a relationship that ends. You can move somewhere and later dislike it. A bad outcome doesn’t automatically mean a bad decision.

The useful question becomes:

“Given what I know today, which decision can I stand behind?”

You don’t need to make a decision that guarantees happiness. You need to make a decision that your future self can understand.

After all… you can spend years wondering whether you should return home, while forgetting that the person who promised to return home no longer exists.