Inward vs Outward

Have you ever felt disturbed by the way someone treated you?

Have you ever deleted a post because it didn’t get enough likes?

Have you ever felt small or inadequate when comparing yourself to someone else?

If you have experienced any of these feelings then you are not alone. It’s a sign that outward forces are overpowering your inward faculties.

Think of it as an enemy conquering your kingdom – not because your inner army lacked strength, but because they lacked perspective.

We spend so much time trying to build the perfect environment, surrounding ourselves with the right people, conditions, and comforts in pursuit of peace and progress. Yet more often than not, it doesn’t work.

What if we are creating an ideal environment in the wrong field and what if we are searching for peace in the wrong environment? 

#1 – Boundaries

We set boundaries and limit access to protect our sanity. And, yes, boundaries do help us cut noise to a large extent.

However, the belief that boundaries alone will shield us from the impact of other’s actions is naïve.

In the 1970s, there was a boy who enjoyed acting and performing. He thought about plays and characters all day long. However, something shifted within him every time he went up on stage.

He became nervous, fumbled, and forgot his lines. No matter how many times he went up on stage, nothing seemed to change.

That’s when he realized something needs to change in his perspective.

He cared too much of what people thought about his performance, how they perceived him, or if they liked him… and that’s when he realized there needs to be a boundary.

A boundary to protect what he lets in and allows to impact his performance.

He can never control his audience’s reactions, but what he can control is his nerves while performing.

He needed a boundary not to control other’s actions, rather to control his own based on what others did to him.

The next time he went up on stage he became careless, he became fearless, and he became The Jim Carrey.

It was just a little shift in his perspective that changed his game.

Again, boundaries are not to control other’s actions, they are to control yours based on what others do to you. People will invade your boundaries sooner or later, but it’s the internal boundary – of what you allow to affect you – that decides your sanity… you know, just like a WhatsApp group where you can’t stop people from messaging but you can definitely mute the group.

#2 – Control vs Influence

There are things in life that we can control and then there are things in life which we can influence.

The line between control and influence is very thin and yet important.

Earlier this year I started gardening and growing plants in my balcony. One thing that I learnt the hard way is that gardening is a delicate dance of influence, not control.

At first, I tried to control everything – making sure each plant gets exactly the right amount of water, the precise temperature, and perfect soil conditions, hoping for a flawless garden.

However, a few dead plants later I realized that there are factors beyond my control that can impact the life of those plants. Factors that I can seldom control.

Gardening needs influence more than control. Instead of exercising control, I tried to learn a plant’s growth by understanding how they respond to different conditions.

I realized you can’t control if a plant will bloom early or late, or if it will face a pest issue – but you can influence the outcome by creating a conducive environment like choosing the right location, watering it consistently, and providing nutrients that help plants thrive.

Influence > Control

And I’m not just talking about the plants.

#3 – Freedom

During the holocaust in the 1940s, a lot of Jews were held prisoners in the Auschwitz concentration camps. It was an era marked by cruelty, despondency, and torture.

The ordeal these prisoners had to go through is beyond imagination. It is unlikely that any happiness in life will ever compensate the suffering these people endured.

However, even in those concentration camps, despite going through pain, suffering, and breakdown, there were people who refused to surrender their freedom.

There were people who didn’t give anyone the satisfaction of conquering their mind and willpower.

Viktor Frankl, one of the inmates of these camps, talks about the concept of suffering and how freedom is an internal decision independent of external circumstances.

Everything can be taken away from a man but not his decision to chose freedom in every situation of life. Freedom comes from inward stability than outward circumstances.

Our life will always be surrounded by noise, opinions, and circumstances that are beyond our control. Boundaries help us protect our inner ground, Influence reminds us of where our real power lies, and Freedom teaches us that nothing outward can truly imprison us unless we allow it.

So, the real question is—where are you seeking freedom – outward or inward?

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